NOTE: The following are excerpts from the pamphlet, "Al-Anon Spoken Here (P-53)." As this pamphlet was written specifically for face-to-face meetings, portions have been omitted, revised, or added to adjust for an online chat meeting setting.
What do Al-Anon members talk about at meetings?
What do Al-Anon members talk about at meetings?
At our group meetings, we share our experience, strength, and hope with one another, keeping the focus on ourselves and the Al-Anon tools of recovery. Personal recovery through spiritual growth and the common welfare of the group are of prime importance. By concentrating on our feelings and attitudes toward our situation - rather than on the details of the situation - we contribute to the group's unity and our recovery.
We talk about how the disease of alcoholism has affected our thinking and our behavior. We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives. We may find that basing our group discussion on a Step, Tradition, Concept, a slogan, or various other program tools helps to improve our understanding of the program, foster growth, and bring serenity.
Why are sponsorship and one-to-one sharing necessary?
Because meetings are oriented to group needs and are limited by time, we cannot each bring our specific problems to the group for discussion. Sponsorship and one-on-one sharing provide us with the opportunity to unburden ourselves in a personal and constructive way. They supplement meetings and help us establish new and healthy relationships within the fellowship. In Al-Anon meetings, we avoid giving or asking specific advice on family problems, finances, separation, divorce, sex, legal matters, medical, psychiatric, or religious aid. We concentrate instead on what has been helpful to us in our situation. We can listen, we can offer our friendship, and we can allow others to learn to help themselves.
Why is anonymity so often a topic at meetings?
We guard the anonymity of all Al-Anon, Alateen and AA members. This means not revealing to anyone what we hear or whom we see at meetings, not to our relatives, friends, or other Al-Anon members. Our free expression - so important to our recovery - rests on our sense of security, knowing that what we share at our meetings will be held in strict confidence. While each member has the right of decision regarding personal anonymity within the fellowship, the use of first names only reminds us that we are equals in Al-Anon. This keeps us humble and enables us to develop spiritually. In an online chat meeting, it is recommended that you use a nickname/pseudonym (or your first name only, if you wish) - not your full name.
So much of my pain involves living with active drinking. How do I focus on myself when the alcoholic is my problem?
When we first come to Al-Anon Family Groups, full of hurt, frustration, and anger, we may see the alcoholic as the immediate source of our pain. Our impulse may be to focus our discussion on that person. We may also be so unaccustomed to looking at ourselves that we tend to talk about everything but ourselves. In Al-Anon we come to realize that much of our discomfort comes from our attitudes. We work to change these attitudes, and to learn about our responsibility to ourselves. This helps spiritual growth. The emphasis is lifted from the alcoholic and placed where it is appropriate - on ourselves. When we tell our story, therefore, it is not the alcoholic's story, it is the story of our recovery.
My family and I are involved in an outside recovery program. Wouldn't the insights from this therapy be valuable to the rest of the fellowship?
According to our Traditions, Al-Anon endorses no outside enterprise and has no opinion on outside issues. Our focus is on ourselves and the program tools. The introduction of outside influences divert us from our spiritual goals. Reviewing our therapy sessions, prayer or meditation groups, or discussing our religious beliefs during meetings dilutes the Al-Anon message and can deprive others of the unique help Al-Anon has to offer. We also avoid the use of professional jargon. Terms used in particular therapies or other programs do not belong in Al-Anon meetings.
I am also a member of another anonymous program. Recently I was asked not to discuss it at our Al-Anon meetings. Why?
Our meeting discussions do not include any other program or fellowship. When we talk about our experiences of becoming sober, drug-free or how we stopped overeating or gambling, we take away from the Al-Anon focus. In Al-Anon, we focus on our common experience - having been affected by someone else's alcoholism - and our recovery by giving and receiving mutual aid based only on that common experience. Those of us who are members of other anonymous programs avoid openly revealing this at meetings, concentrating instead on the Al-Anon approach to the family illness of alcoholism.
What about outside readings on alcoholism and its effects?
Only Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL) and materials, including The Forum magazine, are used at Al-Anon meetings. For the newcomer, we find this literature - combined with the experiences shares by the fellowship - is the best tool for developing a positive, spiritual perspective of the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon literature is approved by our Conference because it reflects the program as it is in principle and practice. Personal experiences shared in The Forum help us to understand how others have succeeded in applying the program to their lives.
It is well to remember that all AA literature is written for and from the viewpoint of alcoholics and is not Al‑Anon Conference Approved Literature. Reliance on opinions expressed in AA and other publications can distort the Al‑Anon approach, particularly for the newcomer (see Al‑Anon Spoken Here [P-53], Why Conference Approved Literature? [P-35], and Alcoholism The Family Disease [P-4]).
It is well to remember that all AA literature is written for and from the viewpoint of alcoholics and is not Al‑Anon Conference Approved Literature. Reliance on opinions expressed in AA and other publications can distort the Al‑Anon approach, particularly for the newcomer (see Al‑Anon Spoken Here [P-53], Why Conference Approved Literature? [P-35], and Alcoholism The Family Disease [P-4]).
As we grow in Al-Anon, we are less likely to be confused or overwhelmed by outside readings. Individuals may read whatever they choose as part of their personal recovery outside of meetings. However, meeting time is too valuable to spend on discussion of non-Al-Anon books, tapes, films, pamphlets, or recovery strategies, no matter how useful they have been to one or many of us.
Conclusion:
These guidelines for meeting discussions are based on the Twelve Traditions. The Traditions help us avoid obstacles to group unity and remind us to keep our focus on the fellowship's common purpose. Together with the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual, the Traditions can provide answers to a wide range of group-related questions. It is important to remember that neither of these tools is a rulebook. Accepting the Traditions amounts to "obeying the unenforceable." If a group does not observe the Traditions, it risks the possibility of conflict or error, and could inadvertently deprive members of the help that so many others have found in Al-Anon.
Al-Anon is for our own recovery from the effects of the disease of alcoholism. We come to Al-Anon meetings seeking care, understanding and hope. The program helps us to look within and to take responsibility for ourselves, to improve our attitudes, and to place our lives in the care of a Higher Power. We do not get the Al-Anon program anywhere else, and when we come to our meetings, the Al-Anon program is all we expect to hear. Ensuring that Al-Anon is spoken here strengthens group harmony and helps keep our program positive, healthy, and enduring.